Are you fucking kidding me? That’s exactly what went through my head two minutes into the final episode. It is so tough to even begin this blog because the amount of ridiculous shit that went down in the Entourage series finale was nearly incomprehensible. To say it seemed to have been written by a three year old would be an insult to our culture’s youth… a group I feel is already retarded anyway. The degradation of quality that this show took is actually incredible to me. 

The first four seasons were quality television. The next two took a dive. The last two never surfaced from that dive and have shown signs of incurable brain trauma as a result. It is baffling to me that a show centered around the exploits of a rising Hollywood star, his entourage of hometown friends and family, and his high powered eccentric agent could in the end wind up essentially not having anything to do with the entertainment industry. Do you remember the first four seasons? Queen’s Boulevard, Aquaman, and Medellin. You got to see the heart of the show. The whole series is based off the success of Vincent Chase’s career. All of the toys, the money, the jobs, the women, the connections, and the parties are based off this very essential aspect of the story. Even Ari Gold, the furthest removed beneficiary from Vince’s success, admits that Vince was his greatest discovery. Do you see where I’m going with this? By the end of the series, and especially in the last two seasons, Vince’s career isn’t even relevant. Well, let me rephrase that. It’s extremely relevant, but it’s largely ignored. 

This is where the series became one of the laziest things written for television. Instead of showing the audience anything, they decided to just take it for granted that everyone would believe them. Instead of showing us Vince’s work, they just started telling us his career was going fantastic. By the end of the series I didn’t even believe them. The last things I saw Vincent Chase do in the show were Medellin, which was apparently worse than being a diabetic child on Hallowe’en, Smoke Jumpers, which if I recall correctly he got fired from, and fifteen pounds of blow while publicly fucking a porn star. Then mysteriously, in season eight, Vince emerges from rehab, and, so I’m told, his career is sparkling…

Wait, what the fuck just happened? There appears to be a gaping hole in the story here. Could they really have done a more slap dash final season? I suppose it’s a little fitting that the final episode works like a bucket list of resolutions the writers felt needed closure, because that’s how the season eight story’s entire arc appears to any remotely critical viewer. The final two episodes were half funny, in a B-rated sense, and half insulting to our collective intelligence. This is how I picture the story skeleton must have looked for the writing team.

Character - Problem - Solution

Turtle - Not Enough Money - Vince Secretly Has His Money

Eric - Ex Girlfriend Pregers - Get’s Over It, Flies Around World Romantically

Johnny - Show Cancelling - Show Doesn’t Cancel

Vince - Womanizer - Married (Within 24 Hours)

Ari - Divorce - Not Divorce

BOOM! Closure.

It doesn’t matter if the solutions make sense. Just because that girl didn’t want to date Vince, had the first impression that he was a misogynistic douche bag, and was apparently extremely educated and successful herself, doesn’t mean she’s not a fucking moron that could decide to get married 24 hours after her first date. Right? RIGHT!?

It doesn’t matter that Eric revenge fucked Sloans ex-step mother. She’d get over it a week later. Right? RIGHT!?

It doesn’t matter that Johnny’s Bananas didn’t actually look funny or remotely good. The network would still cave to his demands for more money before the show has even aired. Right? RIGHT!?

No. Nearly every solution and piece of closure offered by the show follows the same ridiculous modus operandi employed by the final seasons. Tell the audience what to believe, don’t actually make them believe it. It’s funny to consider The Sopranos ending. The infamy of their cut to black. The amount of outcry it received from fans is ridiculous. That is the single greatest series finale ever made. Fans weren’t spoon fed their ending. They weren’t told outright in a formulaic method how the story ends. They weren’t pandered to.

Oh, the movie never ends 
It goes on and on and on and on

That’s realism. There’s no way to end a story because no matter what, the viewer will always question what happens next. That’s life in general and it goes on with or without you. The end is never really the end. So trying to tie every loose end up is just a hilarious waste of time.  Where is the artistry in that? Has the opportunity to finish this Hollywood story with the irony of a totally non-Hollywood ending been wasted? I think so.

TL;DR: The band Journey knows more about the principles of quality story telling than the writers of Entourage.


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  1. hydrogen-psychosis posted this